Just one week after erstwhile footballer and full-time headline-grabber Niklas Bendtner claimed the media had made him into a psychopath, he appears to have started acting like one.
The striker, who occasionally pretends to play football for Arsenal, and often actually does play football for Denmark, embraced his psychotic image in impressive style by “completely freaking out”, according to the unfortunate taxi driver who encountered him.
Bendtner had been on a typical bender of a night out with friends in Copenhagen, when he decided to turn on the crazy for the benefit of one befuddled cabbie.
After hailing the cab and directing the driver to stow his bicycle on the stand at the rear of the car, Bendtner petulantly kicked the driver’s walkie talkie Delta-Sierra-Tango machine out of its holster and pilfered some of the driver’s belongings.
After being asked to return them, Bendtner lost the plot, threatening to smack the driver if he hadn’t been so famous – although the level of his fame is undoubtedly much higher in his own head than in reality; a fact which probably saved the driver from physical abuse.
The driver then ejected the striker from his vehicle, at which point Bendtner called him alternatively a “little fat pig”, a “little whore” and claiming he wanted to “fuck” the man.
He went on to demonstrate his seriousness in such a proposition by unbuttoning his trousers, rubbing himself on the window and slapping his belt against the roof of the cab.
Bendtner has been hearing voices for years.
Bendtner had previously claimed that his off-field antics had been blown all out of proportion by the media, giving an interview in which he claimed he had been demonised, which in turn had adversely affected his chances of finding a new club.
In the interview, Bendtner revealed that he was “just waiting to be unleashed” and that he was ready for “a new chapter… something completely different”.
On the same night his club Arsenal bowed out of the Champions League to Bavarian behemoths Bayern München, Bendtner certainly delivered on his promise.
Bendtner also had previously acknowledged that “when I was younger I wasn’t as professional as I should have been.”
Bendtner’s youthful unprofessionalism in all its oily glory.
It’s good to know he’s addressing that particular concern.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This is not satire. Everything in this article actually happened.
